Funny Police Video and Audio Clips (have your sound turned on!)

High Speed Internet Connection Recommended ....

Here is a funny video about the possibility of busting "Heroes!"

    To View, click here:  Santa BUSTED !!

For all the stupid calls that a police department gets, an answering machine should be in place for the caller to hear!

To hear the new police answering service, click here:  Police Answering Machine

Funny Links

www.mikeyshouse.com

http://www.dumbcriminalacts.com/

http://www.clumsycrooks.com/

The Webmaster's Bathroom !!!!!

Funny Jokes !!! 

Parking Ticket:

I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?'

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a stupid idiot. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!

Then I really got angry at him. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.

The Decoy:

One night a Police Officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys in five different vehicles before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The Police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the Officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered a breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled Officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, ?Tonight I?m the designated decoy.?

The Groom:

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain." "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back." "But, officer, I just wanted to say,..." "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

Dumb Criminals:

Pants Slipped Down Again! In February, police in Clifton, N.J., chased Aaron Reynolds, 35, who was driving a stolen car, into New York City, where Port Authority police joined the pursuit. After the car was stopped, Reynolds bolted on foot, ran about two blocks, and came crashing down to the sidewalk because his low-riding pants slipped down and tripped him. According to police, Reynolds said he was giving up and asked for a minute to compose himself. During the lull, he darted off again, but this time barely ran a few yards before his pants slipped down again and tripped him.

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Help... Anyone? A man successfully broke into a bank's basement through a street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the process. He then realized that (1) he could not get to the money from where he was,(2) he could not climb back out the window through which he had entered, and (3) he was bleeding pretty badly. So he located a phone and dialed "911" for help... he was treated and arrested the same day.

Police Quotes:

The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile." "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." "So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?" "Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?" "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket." "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?" "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven." "Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid." "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want." "Just how big were those two beers? "In God we trust, all others are suspects."

Ten Things To Say
When A Cop Pulls You Over

Ten Signs The Police Chief Hates You

10. He sends you on drug raids....alone.
9. He refers to you as "Our Little Mascot."
8. The job description in your contract includes "crash test dummy" and "pepper-spray test subject."
7. Instead of a gun, you were issued a water pistol.
6. He always tells you that only wussies call for back-up.
5. He lied to you about an "officer exchange program" and put you on a plane to Siberia.
4. He doesn't like to be seen with you in public.
3. He makes up "missing persons" and then sends you to look for them.
2. You always get the patrol car with the flat tire, no gas, a dead battery, and a broken air conditioner.
1. Your locker is also the broom closet!!

Police Harassment

Recently, a California website ran an e-mail forum (a question and
answer exchange) where the topic was "Policing the Community."

One of the civilian email participants posed the following question:
*"I would like to know how it is possible for police officers to
continually harass people and get away with it?"*

From the "other side" (the law enforcement side) a cool cop with a
sense of humor replied:
It is not easy. In California we average one cop for
every 2,000 people. About 60% of those cops are on patrol, where we do
most of the harassing. One-fifth of that 60% are on duty at any given
moment and are available for harassing people. So, one cop is
responsible for harassing about 10,000 residents. When you toss in the
commercial, business and tourist locations that attract people from
other areas, sometimes you have a situation where a single cop is
responsible for harassing 20,000 or more people each day.

A ten-hour shift runs 36,000 seconds. This gives a cop one second to
harass a person, and three-fourths of a second to eat a donut AND then
find a new person to harass. This is not an easy task. Most cops are
not up to it, day in and day out. It is just too tiring. What we do is
utilize some tools to help us narrow down those people which we
harass.
They are as follows:

PHONE:
People will call us up and point out things that cause us to focus on
a person for special harassment. "My neighbor is beating his wife" is a
code phrase we use. Then we come out and give special harassment.
Another popular one on a weeknight is, "The kids next door are having
a loud party."

CARS:
We have special cops assigned to harass people who drive. They like to
harass the drivers of fast cars, cars blasting music, cars with
expired registration stickers and the like. It is lots of fun when you pick
them out of traffic for nothing more obvious than running a red light.

Sometimes you get to really heap the harassment on when you find they
have drugs in the car, are driving drunk, or they have an outstanding
warrant.

RUNNERS:
Some people take off running just at the sight of a police officer.
Nothing is quite as satisfying as running after them like a beagle on
the scent of a bunny. When you catch them you can harass them for
hours.

CODES:
When you can think of nothing else to do, there are books that give
ideas for reasons to harass folks. They are called "Codes" Penal,
Vehicle, Health and Safety, Business and Professional Codes, to name a
few. They spell out all sorts of things for which you can really mess
with people.

After you read the code, you can just drive around for a while until
you find someone violating one of these listed offenses and harass
them. Just last week I saw a guy smash a car window. Well, the code says
that is not allowed. That meant I got permission to harass this guy. It is
a pretty cool system that we have set up, and it works pretty well.

We seem to have a never-ending supply of folks to harass. And we get
away with it. Why? Because the good citizens who pay the tab actually
like the fact that we keep the streets safe for them. Next time you
are in my town, give me a single finger wave. That will be a signal that
you wish for me to take a little closer look at you, and then maybe
I'll find a reason to harass YOU.